my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
