i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
