Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
