Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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