Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
