I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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