my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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