Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
