You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
