And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
