you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
