I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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