The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
