I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
