Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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