You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
