i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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