Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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