My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
