I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
