I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
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Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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