This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
