plz talk dirty to me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
