You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
