he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need a beard to bite.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
