it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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