Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
