Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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