Jerry, you need to find god
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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