dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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