YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
