I'm drive I can fine osifer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
