you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
