what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
