help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
