There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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