he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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