I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
