I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
did you just send me my own nude
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
