Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
