I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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