She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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