Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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