he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
