I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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