every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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