I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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