1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
