I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
