She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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