woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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