i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
