As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
