Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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