apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
