I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
