I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
