I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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