so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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