I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
