You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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