Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
