How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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