For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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