If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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