Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your topless pictures make me question reality
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
