I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
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My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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