I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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